English: The most important ... never let it go! Chapter 4

I have made you wait .. gomene for that m(_ _)m But here is the 4th chapter finally!!! It would be more than love if you could leave me a comment cause I had really problems writing that chapter. >.<

So and hahaha ... again I changed my mind ... I will be writing 5 chapters and an epilogue .. so happy happy 2 more chapters to come ^.~

Hope you like it!!!!

 CHAPTER 4

In disbelief Sho turned the pages of the small notebook up and down. Again and again, as if he had to assure himself, that the drawings which he saw, were really there and that it wasn’t just his imagination. But no matter how often he opened and closed the book, the pictures remained on the same spot.

He rubbed his eyes with his left hand and after that he ran his fingers trough his hair. What was the meaning of this? Ohno had made those paintings secretly… those were moments in which Sho hadn’t paid any attention to the older one. But during those times there had always been the feeling, that someone was watching him. Even though he often had seen how Ohno was drawing during rehearsal and filming, the thought that those pictures might be of him had never struck his mind. Why of all things had Riida painted him?

Even though the truth was so near, his mind struggled to accept it. He was searching for all kinds of explanations. Maybe this was his birthday present? Well there were still some months till then, but drawing took a lot of time. Or maybe it was a new topic for Ohnos potential second exhibition: a corner with drawings of his band mates? Perhaps he had also drawn the other members already?  

While he continued to flip through the notebook and to frantically think about explanations that might make sense, he noticed how steps came hectically nearer to him. They became louder so that they forced him to finally let off the book and look up. He caught sight of Jun, Nino and Aiba, who were rushing over to him. When they were almost at his side, he laid aside the notebook and stood up.

You could see the anxiety and the sadness on their faces and even on Aibas face was no smile to be found on this evening, although he was normally known as the sunny boy. Instead teary eyes were looking at Sho, which gave away that Aiba surely had been crying not long ago.

“Well? How is he? Do you already know something?” the words out of Juns mouth sounded sorrowful and harassed and they brought Sho back to reality. The notebook and the drawings inside had made him forget about the awful incident for a little while. But now everything crackled upon him again and the sorrow was so strong that his inside was aching so much. He couldn’t find any words and so he only could shake his head slowly as a reply. “So he still is in the operation room…” Jun mumbled more to himself than to the others. There was a nightmarish mood on the aisle now. Aiba just stared on the floor in front of him and was fighting against his tears, Jun was deep in thoughts and Nino also had to fight with himself mentally to stay calm.

“Where are … Ohnos parents?” Sho asked finally and broke the brief silence. “Ah right, I got them on the phone indeed, but they are on vacation out-of-town right now. They try to come as fast as possible, however it can take a while till they arrive.” Jun made a little break. “Ah damn it! Why did that have to happen?!... I only can hope, that a doctor arrives here soon ... who can tell us about his condition… otherwise I’ll surely go crazy!” Although the youngest member had hardly tried to keep cool, his feelings somehow took overhand now, and that made Sho feel the pain inside him once again. He had to gulp hardly and in the end he just had to do something: he bowed very low in front of his band mates.

“I’m sorry! It’s all my fault ... just because of me he got hit by the car ... I’m really so so sorry!” It was an awful sight to see Arashis rapper like this.

“Sho-chan!” there was only a loud sniffle to hear from Aiba, but Jun however rushed over to Sho immediately, grabbed the older ones shoulder and tried to push him up again. “Don’t talk non-sense! It’s surely not your fault! Just stop thinking something like that!” It took some seconds till Sho recollected his courage to stand up straight again. When his gaze fell on Juns face, he could see a slightly encouraging smile. Except for Aibas sniffling there was this nightmarish silence again.

But then Jun could see out of the corner of his eyes how Nino, who had been silent and just standing stiffly beside him the whole time, pulled something out of his pocket: his ice-blue Nintendo DS. Just a few seconds and anger covered the face of the youngest and with furious knitted eyebrows he turned towards the game freak. “Nino, you are not serious, are you? Do you really intend to play with your DS right now in this situation?!” The older one only shrugged slightly with his shoulder.

“Why not? We cannot do anything else than wait here anyway. Therefore I can also spend my time to continue with my game. Moreover, you guys don’t really know how I feel right now! If I continue to just stand here and do nothing, then I surely will go crazy because of worrying and thinking too much! So please, let me play my game, otherwise I don’t know what will happen!” The other three understood what Nino meant and so he didn’t get any objections just a short approving nod.  

Nino went over to the chairs which were situated at the wall. Just as he wanted to nestle there with his DS, his gaze fell on Ohnos notebook, which Sho had left there.

“Ah, Ohchans notebook!” surprised the other three members turned their heads to him. “What? What is that?” for a short while Aibas sadness was gone and now he was looking curiously across Shos shoulder.

“Ohno had it with him. A nurse gave it to me together with his necklace.” For a moment Sho opened his right hand, in which the necklace was situated, to show it to the others, but as soon as possible he enclosed it again.

“Nee, Sho-kun. Did you take a look at the notebook?” besides the notable curiosity there was something else in Ninos voice. An undertone, which sounded like the game freak would know something that the other members didn’t know yet. 

“Yes, I did. Why are you asking?” Sho looked at him warily.

“Did you not ask yourself why there are so many drawings of yourself?” as soon as those words were outspoken, the eyes of the other three members widened in surprise. For Aiba and Jun it was because they didn’t know anything about those drawings at all and Sho was surprised because Nino knew about them although he had not taken a look inside of it since they arrived at the hospital.

“How .. how come that you know about that?” Sho asked with a shaking voice. 

“Actually I had promised Ohno, that I would not tell anybody about it, but I think in this situation there is no other way…”

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Flashback

It has been some time ago during a concert rehearsal. After they had to undergo the tough training for their dance steps, the eagerly awaited break came. This time all five members had their own room. However the boys of course couldn’t just stay by themselves and so it was no wonder that for example Aiba could be found sweets eating beside the newspaper reading Sho in the older ones room. Nino enjoyed the peace in his own room, but somehow… something was missing. So he took his Nintendo and set off to visit his favourite Arashi member.

The door to Ohnos room was wide open. Nino saw that the older one was sitting deep in thought on the sofa; his back turned to him. A thought struck the game freaks mind: He wanted to have some fun by scaring the other one. And so he tiptoed over to the sofa. Slowly he approached, but in the moment he wanted to fulfil his act, his gaze fell on the notebook which Ohno held in his hands. No, rather on the drawing which the older one made right now. Ninos actual intention was now completely forgotten, instead he watched how Riida let the pencil run over the paper on which the face of Sho surfaced more and more detailed. His gaze wandered to Ohnos face and there he saw something that he never had seen before. While Riidas eyes were fixed on the paper, they reflected so much warmth and radiance! It seemed to him like the older one would look at the drawing like a pair of lovers would look at each other. Somehow this realization let him shiver and so he just had to raise his voice.

“Oh-chan, what are you doing?” Nino noticed how Riida winced out of shock, because he hadn’t heard him come and also how he tried to shut the book as soon as possible. Incredibly nervous the older one turned to him.

“You … you have scared me! I didn’t hear you come!! Since when are you standing there?!” His eyes widened out of shock, when he heard Ninos answer: “Long enough to see that you just painted Sho. And you did that with such a lovey-dovey look on your face!” He had to laugh saying his last sentence, which he had said more out of fun. But his laugh got stuck in his throat when he saw that Ohno completely froze. The face of the older one had suddenly lost all of its colour and finally Nino realised that he had hit the bulls eye.

„Eeeehhh? You really fell in…” his voice echoed louder than he had expected, but his sentence got cut because of a hand which pressed hard against his lips.

“Nino you must not reveal that to anybody, ok?! No one should ever know about that! This has to be a secret, got that?” Ohno stared at him with a piercing look and Nino knew immediately that his counterpart was deadly serious.

„Eh, but does Sho know about it? Or will you tell him?” Nino noticed how the serious look vanished from Riidas face. Instead tired and sad eyes were now gazing at him. The older one slowly turned away and sat down on the sofa again. For a little while there was silence, but then Ohno raised his voice again.

“No, he doesn’t know and I cannot tell him.”

“But why?”

“Because it would only cause problems! I doubt that Sho feels the same way as me … maybe saying it would also even destroy our great solidarity within the group. If I say it, I could destroy everything! I’m the leader, I have to keep the group together. Therefore… please don’t tell anyone!” His gaze was serious and determined, but Nino could also see sadness and pain in those eyes.

It hurt him to see the older one like that; fighting against his feelings and his task as leader at the same time.

“But Ohchan, if you don’t tell him, then maybe you will forever…” he couldn’t finish his sentence as Ohno interrupted him:

“I’m alright. Drawing helps me; I can put all my feelings in it. Therefore… as long as I can transfer my feelings on the paper, I will be ok.” While saying that he started to turn the pages of the notebook and Nino saw that unbelievable warm expression on his face again, that the older one never showed to anybody else.

The younger one had to gulp hardly. He never would have guessed how Ohno had to fight against himself and his feelings day after day. He could hardly imagine how tough all that must be.

“Ohchan… if there are times you cannot go on… I’m there for you, ne?!” Riida looked up to him and a warm smile appeared on his face.

“Arigatou!”

End of Flashback

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„So these drawings really mean a lot to Ohchan. They show his true feelings. Sho, you almost caught him this morning! Because during that time he worked on a picture of you again. But he saw you coming and so he hided the notebook in time. He told me about it later. And when I came back to the dressing room after filming, I knew that I had to do something! It was because I had watched you for a while and I noticed that something had changed; something that looked like hope for Ohno. So that was why I hided your mobile and let it appear again when you had already left. I turned to Ohchan and told him to bring it to you because you would surely search for it. I also comforted him that he should finally tell you about his feelings. He wanted to duck out again, but I insisted that he should talk to you about it. The last thing I heard from him with a smile on his face was ‘Ok, I bring him the mobile, but the other thing … I think about it’. I don’t really know what happened today, however I think, this time for sure, he wanted to try. He wanted to tell you about his feelings towards you tonight…”

The last words only penetrated to his ear bluntly. A cold shiver ran down his back and an invisible hand squeezed his throat. ‘Ohno wanted to tell me about his feelings ... tonight, while I and Michiru…. If I hadn’t kissed her then…!“

Suddenly it was difficult for him to breathe; all his strength vanished from his limbs and the view in front of him slowly began to blur.

He wanted to grab Aibas shoulder to find hold and lean onto it, but he was too weak. His knees softened, he realised how his body slumped to the ground, heard how Aiba screamed out terrified, but then darkness and silence came over him.