The most important ... never let it go! EPILOGUE!

Jaa, finally it's finished. The English version! I'm sorry it took so long. But was quite busy. But you'll get it now before I leave to the airport.

Yosh yosh .. so this is REALLY the last chapter!! And it's something special ^________^ Because it is a joint projekt with Sery ♥ The idea for this epilogue is completely from me of course but we split the writing XD I wrote the first part and the 2nd is from Sery according my idea. Well so I also had a bit fun of my own fanfic XD I really like the result! So I really hope that you'll also love it!

Comments are Love!!! as always ^.~

EPILOGUE

A balmy breeze lapped around Sakurai Sho’s face. The sun was standing high up in the sky and its wonderful warmth was shining down on the earth. Sho was standing at the edge of a mountain, hands resting on the handrail and looking down at the wide Tokyo which was lying in front of him. So many houses could be seen but also much green and at the horizon you could also make out bits of the shoreline.

Dreamily he let his gaze slide along the scenery. It was quiet up there where he was standing. No noise from the city could be heard; only the chipper of the birds got through to his ear.

“Ne Satoshi, you like the view here, right? It’s really beautiful!” Sho continued to look down on the busy city where one car after the other passed the highway. A view minutes went by like this and he only turned around when a faint clicking could be heard behind him. But the only thing he could see was a tiny squirrel that rushed swiftly above the ground to the next tree.

Disappointment and sadness reflected in Sho’s eyes when he slowly raised his gaze and looked at a big somber stone which hulked up in front of him. At this sight he suddenly felt a cold shiver running down his back, a lump in his throat and he felt as if an invisible hand would slowly rip his heart out of his chest.

Every time it was like this. Every time when his eyes recognized the inscription of the stone and the horrible reality overtook him. Slowly he sacked down on his knees, his eyes still lingering on the characters which were engraved in front of him.

Ohno Satoshi *Nov 26.1980 †April 24.2008

Sho realized how tears shot into his eyes and how his body got shaken from the pain of the reality.

It has already been many months since the ominous night that had thrown his live off track.

When Ohno had left this world, he had also lost the reason for his life. Sho hadn’t shown up for days, hadn’t eaten, hadn’t slept and completely neglected his work. He only sat at home, isolated from the outer world; his gaze constantly focusing the TV on which one Arashi video after the other was shown. His apartment soon resembled a small rubbish dump but only like this he could be happy; only like this he could live on. Because the videos were the only thing that was left of his Satoshi and they gave him the feeling as if the older one was still alive and with him. He could see Ohno how he waved happily towards the audience, how he had fun together with them and how his bright smile flickered on the screen. The DVDs gave Sho what he missed so immensely: Ohno’s breathtaking dance skills, his voice that touched him so much, that shiny smile that let the sun rise.

But it was Jun’s words that brought Sho back to his senses. He still had them in his mind, remembered too clearly how the youngest member suddenly rushed into his apartment, seized him by the collar and told him quiet clearly with a sharp voice:

„I’m at the end of my patience with you! It is one thing to grieve but another to neglect work, friends and most of all yourself! Just look what has happened to you! Do you think Ohno would be happy to see you like this?! In such a bad state living at a rubbish dump?! My god, he would be totally ashamed of you! This here Sho-kun is not what Ohno wanted! Surely not! Ohno always wanted only the best for all of us! He surely would have wanted that you continue your life and enjoy it that you can do and experience all the things that he couldn’t do anymore! Damn it Sho! Live your life! Don’t throw it away! Life for yourself and for Ohno! That is what Ohno wishes! That and nothing else!“

Only those words had awoken Sho from his trance and had given him a reason to live his life as normal as possible. He wanted to live on for his Satoshi, wanted to do and see all the things that he couldn’t anymore.

And so he fought from day to day to gain control of his life again, but no matter where he went to or what he did there was always something that remembered him of his Leader and the deep-seated pain rose inside of him again. And every time he went to the grave of the older one and looked down on the wide city somehow out of no reason a feeling of hope came up in him. A hope that Ohno wasn’t lying underneath that stone but would jump out from behind a tree and would look at him with a mischievous smile. He always had that hope within him when standing there and every time again his world broke apart when this hope got crushed. Like this time also.

Drowned in tears he was now sitting in front of the stone. His hand embraced the cloth of his shirt right above his heart. There was one thought pounding in his mind:

‘My world got crushed on that evening and no matter how hard I try to rebuild it, it will never become like this again... never ever…’

With this realization in mind he slowly raised his voice.

“Satoshi, I’m… sorry. So sorry…!” shaky those words came over his lips. „I can not… I just... cannot go on… anymore. I’m not able … to live on … for you… I’m even... not able... to continue… to live for … myself… I’m ... too weak! I miss you so badly! … Please forgive me!”

After that Sho slowly reached into his pocket. Beneath the bright spring-sun there was suddenly a knife flashing in his hands. He raised his hand and…

Soaked in sweat, with wild beating heart and hard breathing Sho jumped up in his bed. A few ray of lights got through the blinds and except for the ticking of the clock there was dead silence. When looking at the LED screen of his alarm clock he noticed that it was just three in the morning. Slowly Sho raised his hands and let his head rest within them. He tried to calm himself from the shock of the dream just now, but his breath and his wild beating pulse just couldn’t come to rest.

Sho could still remember the dream too clearly and it hurt him too much. He felt how tears gathered in his eyes. “Satoshi…!” shaky he said that name. The first teardrop wanted to run down his cheek when he suddenly felt a pressure around his chest, also a slight breeze which brushed his neck. A slight shiver went through him and his eyes widened out of surprise.

“Sho, you had this dream again… but everything is ok. I’m here with you! So please lie down again, we have to wake up early tomorrow!” He could hear those sleepy words really near his ear. After that Sho felt how soft lips were placed upon his neck and stroke him gently; the unpleasant shiver changed into a pleasant one. The gentle hands that were embracing his chest pushed him now down with a strong-willed grip and soon he felt the warm mattress beneath his back again.

Those two hands were now sliding down to his waist and when he turned his gaze to his chest he could see a dark shock of hair that nestled there quietly and was already breathing steadily again.

A soft smile appeared on Sho’s face. Gently he stroke over the smooth hair a few times before he bent down, placed a tender kiss on the shock of hair, breathed in the scent of the other and finally embraced him with his arms to get even closer to him.

With the feeling of embracing his beloved all nightmares were forgotten immediately and he was able to gain his sleep again. 

When everything that has happened became clear again to Sho the next day, he was more than glad. On how the two of them could normally be together each and everyday. And it was all the small things that he loved the most, like just the feeling to have Satoshi by his side. And so, even the short way towards the green room of TV Nihon became one of the nicest moments in his life. Just because they were together.

And even when Ohno rushed immediately to Nino and sat down right beside him when they entered the room didn’t matter much to him, cause he knew exactly that his heart only belonged to him.

Sho sat down beside Aiba, opened the newspaper with a relaxing feeling while his gaze went once again to his boyfriend happily. Yes, he could only be happy.

While he slowly became engrossed in his newspaper, Nino slid closer to Ohno, his eyes staring on his DS, so that their knees touched each other.

“Well, slept well?” he asked Ohno while he was still looking down on his console.

The older nodded slightly. “Yes, I did, but Sho did not.”

Now also Aiba was interfering in the talk worriedly. “Eh? Why not?” He slid closer to Sho and blinked at him with a worried gaze. But instead of the rapper he got the answer from Ohno. “He had this dream again.” As soon as those words were spoken there could be heard a surprised and also slightly irritated “Eh, again?” from Nino immediately because it seemed that this wasn’t the first time that Arashi’s rapper had such a dream. However, Sho did not want this would go a circuit and so he tried his best to defuse the situation.

“Ah that was surely only because I had watched one of those damn sad movies on TV… I’m always so touched!”

For a short while there was silence like the other member would check if this was an acceptable answer.

But instantly it was clear that Sho had no success with it because Aiba was now telling his opinion of this topic to the others. “Hm, well, I think that Sho-chan is just afraid of losing Ohchan!” Saying that a huge smile spread on his face and he began to poke Sho with his elbow into the side which the older one tried to ignore as much as possible while still concentrating on his newspaper.

But there was someone else that was kind of interesting in Aiba’s words. Nino had immediately pricked up his ear’s and was as keen as mustard about this idea. Grinning he put aside his DS and placed his head on Ohno’s lap now. A scrutinizing look went to Sho but when the older didn’t even raise one eyebrow he snuggled his head further in the lap of the smaller one.

“Well, there is reason enough for Sho-chan to be afraid of losing Oh-chan. You cannot hold it against him, ne?”

He now looked at the older one hoping for approval but he only grinned at him. But this was already enough for Nino.

“I think we should absolutely revive Ohmiya SK again!” to put more meaning into his words he slowly raised his arm to Ohno’s head and placed his fingers softly on the older one’s cheek.

He only got a surprised “Eh..?” as answer.

Sho looked up from his newspaper for a short while, as he was kind of interested what happened to his boyfriend. But he knew exactly what Nino tried to achieve.

“If you think that you can make me jealous then you are wrong.” A short glance was exchanged with Nino and then Sho was already looking at the supposedly more interesting newspaper again.

A grumble could be heard from the other side of the room. Nino really had hoped for another reaction. He wasn’t the craftiest member for nothing; he still had something up his sleeve.

“Eh really? Even if I’ll do… with Ohchan… yet? Here on the sofa…?” With one flip he had grabbed the older one, knocked him over and placed himself over him. Another glance went to Sho, nastily grinning.

An amused chuckle came out of the rapper’s throat, he didn’t even raise his gaze, only saw from the corner of his eyes what Nino was doing with his boyfriend.

“Forget it! Doesn’t work!”

But Nino didn’t want to give up so easily. He now bent down further to the smaller one beneath him, so near that the tips of their noses touched each other. A grin flashed up on his face. He wanted to continue to tease Sho, yes he really wanted to educe a reaction from him, but suddenly he froze.

A staff member entered the green room.

“We go on air shortly! Matsumoto-san is already in the studio!” he announced quickly and left the room again immediately without even looking at Nino and Ohno. Seeing those two close to each other physically has always been a normal sight and no one ever wondered about that.

“Well, we will see…” saying those words more to himself Nino stood up from Ohno grinningly, fixed his clothes and went to the studio together with the other members.

During the filming it didn’t get any better. Nino took every chance there was to get close to Ohno, tried his hardest to stand beside him every second.

Back in the green room the younger one of course had to talk to Sho as soon as possible.

“And now, Sho-chan? Jealous? I even fed him!“ He grinned widely and was already looking forward to the reply he longed for.

But to his surprise the rapper began to laugh. He laughed and shook grinningly his head. Nino couldn’t understand Sho’s reactions anymore.“This leaves me cold.” Answered Sho and again a tang of amusement could be heard in his voice that almost drove Nino crazy.

The eyes of the younger one widened and he looked at the rapper dumbfounded. His mouth opened and a long sigh could be heard.

“That’s impossible! You have to get jealous! Just look at what I do with your boyfriend!“ As soon as he had said those words Nino leaned against Ohno again, put his face against the older ones neck and began to kiss the skin there softly and carefully. But only for a short while, cause he didn’t want to exaggerate it although Sho almost forced him to do so.

A slight giggle could be heard from Ohno. It seemed that he didn’t really care about the whole situation. Quite the contrary, he seemed to be happy about the attention and tenderness he got from Nino.

As a reply Sho only sat down on the opposite sofa cozily and began to pack his stuff. Mentally he smiled brightly, but this he could hide quite skillfully. He really had lots of fun to drive Nino crazy with not showing any signs of jealousy.

A faint shout came now from the other side. Nino really looked like he was near the insanity. Doubtfully he raised his head and only stared at Sho for a moment.

“Why don’t you get jealous? That’s impossible!”

Now the rapper stood up after all, looked smilingly to Nino while he came closer to both.

“Why should I?” he started with a soft and convincing sound in his voice, while he sat down on the place beside Nino and his boyfriend. “First… it’s you Nino! And second, I can be 100% sure that there is only one person in Satoshi’s heart. And that’s me after all!”

Before Nino could react on Sho’s speech Aiba already interfered wide grinning. He jumped up from his place and walked giggling to the three of them.

“Ah! That’s the first time that I really see you as a couple!” His grin became even wider saying those words which seemed almost impossible.

“Huh?” was the only response from Sho, because he didn’t really get what the taller one meant with that sentence.

“Well… when seeing you two it’s just as ever! You act totally normal and talk to each other like normal… It seems more like Nino and Ohno are a couple! You two… it’s just normal.”

Nino could only nod affirmatively and hoped really hard that now the jealousy would really struck Sho. Now it was even said that he could be the one at Ohno’s side. That just had to draw the rapper out!

When Sho began to laugh once again, Nino and Aiba almost fell over clichéd.

“Ah… if you mean it like this... well, we can also act different!” stated the rapper suddenly in a sugar-sweet tone while his gaze fell slowly on his boyfriend.

“Ne, Toshi-chan~?”

As if Ohno had already waited for this moment he broke apart from Nino, jumped hastily up and placed himself upon Sho’s lap smilingly.

“Haaaai~ Shosuki~”. An affectionate look got exchanged between the two of them after which Ohno raised his arms and wrapped them around his boyfriend’s neck.

Just at this moment the door opened and an unknowing Matsumoto Jun stepped into the green room. A gaze upon the couple was enough to let him roll his eyes.

“Oh god, who called this forth?! No matter who it was, I will personally wring that someone’s neck! Can someone please stop that?! It makes me queasy!” were his irritated words which made everyone else laugh aloud suddenly.

But the easy going atmosphere suddenly got disturbed abruptly when Sho looked up at the clock and sighed sorrowfully.

“Damn, I have to go to Zero! Sorry, we see each other later, ne?” he said hastily before he pressed a small kiss on his boyfriend’s forehead. The older one could only smile while he stood up from the other so that Sho can rush to his work.

But now Aiba’s loud voice echoed suddenly through the room.

“Awwww~ I saw it! I saw it! Cute~!” He was giggling while he clapped his hands together happily.

Hearing this Sho’s face became slightly red. He turned around and looked at the door shyly.

“Satoshi, you don’t have to wait for me.” He said softly to his boyfriend and rushed out of the green room. This was the first time that he had kissed Ohno in front of the others. Although it wasn’t a real kiss, but still, he felt kind of embarrassed.

Unfortunately he didn’t notice the happy “Hai hai” and waving of Ohno anymore.

When the door closed Nino’s instinct awoke once again and he of course grabbed the chance immediately. He slid closer to Ohno and placed one arm around the older one’s shoulder possessively.

“So? What are we two sweethearts doing now?” he chirped grinningly.

The older one only shrugged with his shoulder. He was totally not affected by the approach of the other.

“Well, I take this opportunity to go and fish our dinner. What about you? If you like you can accompany me” he answered in a loose tone, but knew exactly that this was a sore spot of Nino.

As answer the younger one could only roll his eyes and sigh.

“You are a dead loss...“

Even though he had been told that he shouldn’t wait, Ohno had still waited. As always when Sho had to go to Zero, Ohno had waited, had prepared the dinner in the kitchen and had been happy when his boyfriend finally came home again.

And now they were sitting on the sofa, ignoring the scent of the prepared meal, Sho’s head resting on the older one’s lap. Soft fingers ruffled through the fine hair of Arashi’s rapper.

„Toshi…?“, sounded Sho’s voice silently through the room.

„Hm…?“

„I’m sorry.“

„For what?“

„It’s so nice right now… may I rest like this a bit longer?”

A smile grazed the rapper’s lips while asking.

„Of course… But why are you apologizing?“

„Because the delicious dinner will be getting cold and I could bet that I will become too tired to stand up anymore and instead will just fall asleep on your lap.“

Now Ohno’s laughter, softy and happily, echoed through the room and Sho’s smile grew wider.

“Well… it’s only sashimi.”

But the younger one didn’t really catch Ohno’s words anymore as he slowly got more tired. The day really had been busy for him.

„Sho-chan…?“

Only marginal he noticed that his boyfriend spoke to him.

„Hm?“

„Arigatou!“

Although he has almost fallen asleep he still wondered about that sudden thanks.

„Eh?“

„Ah, just because.“

But now Ohno’s soft voice had totally lulled him. The ruffling through his hair got slower, softer and then he didn’t notice anything around him anymore and finally fell asleep on his boyfriends lap. Totally relaxed and satisfied.

While Ohno still kept running his hand through Sho’s hair his gaze fell on the small table in front of him. There they were spread: their shared memories, held on Polaroid. A bright smile grazed Ohno’s face. It was already enough to fill a whole album but for him it still wasn’t enough. There should be more and more added.

Ohno smiled, lowered his head a little bit and breathed a soft kiss on Sho’s forehead.

„Aishiteru“

Yes… he loved him. After all that had happened and what they had been gone through he could affirm that he loved Sho unconditionally and from the bottom of his heart.

THE END